From the Onion, 5 November 2008:
Although polls going into the final weeks of October showed Sen. Obama in the lead, it remained unclear whether the failing economy, dilapidated housing market, crumbling national infrastructure, health care crisis, energy crisis, and five-year-long disastrous war in Iraq had made the nation crappy enough to rise above 300 years of racial prejudice and make lasting change.
“Today the American people have made their voices heard, and they have said, ‘Things are finally as terrible as we’re willing to tolerate,” said Obama, addressing a crowd of unemployed, uninsured, and debt-ridden supporters. “To elect a black man, in this country, and at this time—these last eight years must have really broken you.”
Added Obama, “It’s a great day for our nation.”
Carrying a majority of the popular vote, Obama did especially well among women and young voters, who polls showed were particularly sensitive to the current climate of everything being fucked. Another contributing factor to Obama’s victory, political experts said, may have been the growing number of Americans who, faced with the complete collapse of their country, were at last able to abandon their preconceptions and cast their vote for a progressive African-American.
As we enter a new era of equality for all people, the election of Barack Obama will decidedly be a milestone in U.S. history, undeniable proof that Americans, when pushed to the very brink, are willing to look past outward appearances and judge a person by the quality of his character and strength of his record. So as long as that person is not a woman.
Tom Lehrer famously declared that political satire died the day Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. But if it’s dead already, what happens when the Onion calls a spade… <horror>… a spade? Never before in the twenty year history of this immodest publication has such a moment been seen.
Potted biography of Political Satire: Henry Kissinger wins Nobel Peace Prize. Satire dies. Bush becomes President. Satire resurrected. America elects its first black President ever, just in time for its own particular annus horribilis (offstage whisper: and still not ready for a woman). Satire closely resembles reality. Satire collapses and is DOA. Dead on Assembly.
Rest in Pieces, Satire.